Roller Coaster Ride…

Thursday, January 31, 2008 

Well I’ve been on a bit of a roller coaster ride with the chemo and associated drugs to prevent this and that.  I had my daily shot of Neupogen every day last week ending Thursday.  Thursday night was a painful experience.  They had warned us that 30% of the people experience bone pain.  I thought that I was in the clear until it hit me that night.  It was like being in labor again.  Leo had to call the doctor at 1:00 in the morning.  He doubled up my pain med which finally relieved me.  Friday morning they tested my blood and as my white count was up they did not have to give me another shot.  Praise God!   

Monday I was able to have my second chemo treatment.  Other than a slight headache being tired Monday afternoon I bounced right back.   

Last week I spent getting over having to leave my job (this was traumatic after working 25 years to suddenly be home all the time).  Many of you are probably thinking that I’m nuts who wouldn’t want that freedom.  Well, I enjoy working and love to be on a schedule.  This really threw me for a loop. 

This week God put on my heart one morning to take up water coloring.  I did this years ago for a short time in college.  So I went out and bought all my beginner gear and got some books out of the library.  I have found free tutorials on-line as well.

I have also started the new Beth Moore bible study “Stepping Up”.  It is about the Ascent Psalms.  That I can watch on-line as well.  All these on-line things are wonderful because if my count gets low again and I can’t be with people I can still participate!

We are also praying about adding a dog back into our lives.  I am on a dog hunt.  I am looking for a Maltese or some mixture to fill the void in our home left by our sweet Zach who passed away.   Please keep me in your prayers as I know that it is working and it encourages me beyond belief!   

Continuing in Victory!

Candy 

A Slight Change in Game Plan

Monday, January 21, 2008 

I was getting anxious and a bit nervous this past weekend knowing that my second chemo treatment was scheduled for Monday.  Then after truly giving it up to God I found myself resting in His peace and looking forward to getting another one behind me.  

Much to my surprise I was rejected for treatment.  Yes, they were not able to give me chemo today largely because the super-charged treatment I received last week killed too many white blood cells.  With such a low white blood cell count my immune system was nearly destroyed.  This discovery changes plans a bit.  I have been given orders to eat only cooked food, to stay away from crowds, (especially children) and not to allow anyone to hug or kiss me.  They didn’t specifically say if the hug kiss thing applied to Leo, so we will assume it doesn’t. 

I will be given a special shot called Neupogen every day this week.  It is a drug that stimulates my bones to produce more white blood cells, hence raising my immune system.  The only anticipated side effect is bone pain because my bones are working over-time. (That brings up another subject more below).   I will be re-checked next Monday and if my white blood cell count is built up sufficiently I will get round two of chemo.  Join me in praying for that to happen.

In light of this my treatment schedule will also change.  Dr. Schwartz told me that I will no longer get two at one time which was his original plan.  This translates into a battle that will take a little longer than anticipated, but thank God that we already know the victor. 

In lieu of all this I have requested another medical leave from my duties on staff at Christ Fellowship.  While this saddens me, I know that it is the right thing to do in order for me to stay focused on God’s healing plan for me.  Everyone at CF has been so supportive of me.  I’m so thankful that they truly reflect the love and compassion of Jesus Christ.   

My human side was discouraged and, quite frankly, saddened by all of this.  Knowing that my immune system is already being threatened did not produce a warm fuzzy feeling, to say the least. Those who have kept up with my story know that one of my favorite verses is Isaiah 43:1-3.  In fact one of you sent me a web site to encourage me, which I desperately needed today.  Here’s what I found.  Isn’t God great!  It shows me, and it should show you, the importance of being His messenger as my blogging friend Wendy was.  Here it is.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I Am the Lord Your God, The Holy One of Israel, Your Savior.”                                       Isaiah 43:1-3

There are times in our lives when we find ourselves in the blackest night, the deepest water, the hottest fire. During these times we often feel alone. It seems as though we are destitute in the darkness, rejected in the river, and forsaken in the fire. Yet the Word of God states very clearly this one thing…..YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You have a God, Who has promised to never leave of forsake you. A Father, Who said He would go with you through the waters, shine light in the darkness, protect and preserve in the fire. Why? Because He is our God, our Faithful Father, our Savior…and He loves us.

God has used, and continues to use. each of you to help lift me up during this time.  Please continue to stay faithful to Him and you and I will both be blessed. 

Comforted in Him,Candy 

Docking Stations and Wigs!

Monday, January 14, 2008 

Today was my first day of chemo.  I am celebrating God’s great love and I’m claiming victory.  He was, as promised, with me every step of the way. It was pretty much as I suspected – docking stations — so I was not disappointed (but no sci-fi outfits, just scrubs).  It’s done very nicely and the staff is just terrific.  They have volunteers going around every 10 minutes with a cart full of snacks, juice, coffee and tea.  They also bring you warm flannel sheets hot out of the warmer.  I felt like a queen!  

To top it all off I ended up with a Christian nurse.  She is originally from Tahiti.  She told me that she could tell immediately that there was something different about me.  We ended up having a wonderful discussion about the power of prayer.  She told me that she just went through a dark time and all she could do was cry out to God.  I told her that I fully understood and that at difficult times in my journey, it’s all I could do too.  I explained that I learned that when you don’t have the strength to pray, others do it for you.  I told her that each time I come for a treatment I will pray for her.

I have no mixed feelings anymore.  I am doing the right thing and God was able to relay that through the doctors and nurses that I came in contact with.  

PS – I saw some good wigs, bad wigs and no wigs at all – which I have been told I will not need!   

I continue to stay amazed!

Candy

Trust in the Lord Always!

Sunday, January 13, 2008 

As I start this next leg of the journey, I stand stronger than ever in my faith and trust in my heavenly father.  He is in control and has purpose for my every step.

Last Thursday morning I entered Good Sam Hospital at 9:00 AM and was headed home by 1:30 PM, with some additional equipment in my body. My newest addition is called a SlimPort in medical terms, and for us non medical people it is basically like a docking station.

The new port will be the built-in connection access point for my chemo tether which will save my veins. It was a very easy procedure, especially compared with my previous surgeries!  For you who perhaps didn’t read my previous updates this surgery was to insert the port into my chest. This devise connects to a main artery going to my heart and will make it easier to draw blood and administer chemo treatments.

I start chemo tomorrow at 9:00 AM.  I have such mixed feelings about this new leg in the journey.  In one respect, I can’t wait to get the process started just so I can get through it and have it behind me.  Then on the other hand, I can’t help but dread it.  I’m trying to stay focused, believing that this is the process that the medical community must go through only to arrive at where I am already, knowing that God has already healed me.

I’ve been told that this first chemo event will be four to five hours long.  I have geared up as if I’m going to a day camp.  I’ve got a good book, my iPod and the two verses that I have memorized, Isaiah 43:1-4 and Psalms 103:1-5.  I’m also planning on taking some snacks and a lunch. 

A friend who had chemo treatments at the same facility told me that I will be one of several people in a large room with dividers and a comfortable lounge chairs. I have this strange sci-fi visual of all these people plugged into their docking stations.  I’ve always had an over active imagination!

Leo and I have continued to pray that the Lord will use this journey for His purpose and glory. I enter this next leg of the journey knowing and feeling the many prayers from all of you.  Everywhere I go your words and prayers have been lifting me up.  I feel the comfort of sitting in the palm of God’s hand. 

Always trusting in my Lord, 

Candy

God Continues to show Himself!

Sunday, January 6, 2008 

Well, one week without Zach.  At least I’m not breaking down crying when I get home to a quiet house without him greeting me.  I’ll take that as a gain more than a victory for sure. Our house has never been so clean or organized.  I keep myself busy especially in the evening hours.  In fact, it made me think of my mom who said that she missed dad the most between five and seven.  I didn’t really understand that, until now.

Many of you responded acknowledging our pain and loss of Zach.  Some of you have shared your stories about losing your beloved pets.  It has been so touching and encouraging as well.  No one can understand the depth of loss to a simple animal than those who have loved one as well.  I want to thank you all. Many of you are anxious for us to get another pup.  We are as well.  We can’t wait to fill the void and look forward to the love that only a dog can give to fill our home.  Currently Leo and I want to wait and see how the chemo goes before committing to all that it takes to get through the puppy stage.

Yesterday, we met Dr. Higgins the surgeon who will be putting in the chest port for my chemo treatments.  He explained that the port is good because of the frequent chemo treatments and the level of toxicity of the chemo.  It will reduce potential vein damage and infection. Well that made me feel so much better, ha ha. .  

Reality is hitting me and hitting hard.  I do feel so good and do completely believe that God has healed me of the cancer.  It’s getting more difficult to accept that I’m going to have these toxic medications in my body for the next 4 to 6 months.  God is teaching me that healing can also be a “process” of events.  I am starting to see that perhaps He is going to use me to be a witness for Him to those I come in contact with.

Many of you have seen me and seem shock that I look so healthy, the expressions on your faces do speak of your honesty.  I do give God praise for what He has done in me.  Yesterday, at the surgeon’s office the nurse was shocked that I had what she called “a major organ” removed.  I can only say that I cannot take the credit, the doctor’s can’t take all the credit, only God can take all the credit.

I continue to be surprised at the number of you who keep checking in at the blog. I am honored by the love notes and cards that still continue to come in and I am humbled and touched by the love you have poured out on me.  Wow, I can’t help but think that God looks down and smiles as His children show such love.

So Blessed,

God Loves Candy